Respect.
by Isa B.
______
(Philosopher's Stone)
Arrogant. Just like his father. He's just arrived at Hogwarts and managed to
get anything he wanted. Spoiled brat. The Sorting Hat shouldn't have put him
in Gryffindor. It should have followed its first impression, just like it does
for all the students. He would have been in my house and I would have made him
lower his eyes, I would have swept that arrogant look from his face when he's
looking at his teachers. At least at me. I would have taught him respect. I'm
sure he's already heard stories about me. How can he be so stupid to believe
any tale strangers could tell him without questionning it? Especialy stories
told by stupid students.
_________
(Chamber of Secrets)
Of all Hogwarts' teachers, why did Albus have to choose me for that rescue patrol?
Honestly, I don't think these two need anyone to find their way inside the Castle
by night. And here they are, gazing stupidly by a window instead of hurrying
inside. After all the damage I've found on the grounds, I'm not surprised they
look so filthy. Leaves in their hair, dirt on their clothes, scratches on their
hands...
But somehow, I envy them. They're free, more than I've ever been. More than
I'll ever be. When have I been truly free, anyway? Not in my childhood. Horrible
time I prefer to forget. Not when I was myself a student here, having to follow
the school's rules. Not in my Death Eater days, kept under the Dark Lord's orders
and control. And not since I left him, trapped in this school, watched with
hate and disgust when I get out of here, watched the same way when I'm back
here.
They're so free. And I'm not. Maybe I hate these two for this reason. But do
I really hate them, could I really look after them like I do if I truly hate
them? After all, they're the worst students Gryffindor has welcomed for years,
troublemaker, arrogant and incompetent brats. Weasley, as stupid as his twin
brothers are undisciplined, ready to blow up the world with his clumsiness.
Potter, ready to save said world from anyone who could blow it up. Absolutely
unsufferable, just like his father. I hate the way he looks at me, disrespectful
and challenging. He knows the Headmaster would always be there to back him up.
Albus doesn't realise how bad it is for the boy's education to pass on everything
like this. Great, now I'm worrying about that brat's education. Can't help to
see his potential, maybe... But he doesn't need to be pampered, he needs to
be tamed.
And now these charming little boys think I've left Hogwarts... Sorry to disappoint
you, boys. I'll be the one who'll tame you, Potter.
_________
(Prisoner of Azkaban)
He didn't believe me, of course. I tried to open his eyes and show him what
the truth really was but he didn't believe me. I wonder if he simply listened
to what I said. He looked so angry. How dared he talk to me like that? I'm his
teacher, who does he think he is? I have never seen him that angry at me before,
and I know he hates me. I have never seen him lost control like this, too. Of
course I said things about his father he didn't like to hear. Even I can understand
this. But he should understand that truth can be sometimes painful, it can't
always be nice and peaceful. His father can't always be the saint he thinks
he was.
I think that was a mistake. I've been pushing him too far, this time. I just
wanted to make him realize how dangerous his behaviour can be. Everybody, including
myself, is trying to protect him and he just keeps running around recklessly.
Stupid boy. If I don't get him straight in the right path, who would? Am I the
only one whose eyes are opened, here? I must admit I couldn't resist talking
about his father. It's funny to see how it affected him more than if I had been
talking about him. And unfortunately, it was another step out of the path to
respect. Sometimes I think he'll never learn. And now he has Lupin as a new
ally. A werewolf. What did Albus have in mind when he hired him?
One thing is sure, I have to keep an eye on them. Who knows what could happen
now, with Black on the loose...
_________
(Goblet of Fire)
Black is back, then. I can't believe Albus had the nerve to ask me to behave.
Me, behaving! Who's been the one making fun of me, torturing me, in the past?
This guy knows what mental cruelty means. And I'm supposed to be the bad guy,
here. I'm not sure I'm the one with the darker past.
And now Potter knows. He's seen the mark on my arm, he's been aware of the whole
conversation. I know he's been disgusted by it and by its meaning. I could feel
his hate and disgust. And now what would Black tell him about me? I'll never
get the boy to respect me this way. I don't think "respect" is in
his vocabulary, anyway. If he had been in Slytherin... If he hadn't been that
stubborn. Even that damn Sorting Hat is satisfying his whims. In Slytherin he
would have been under my direct responsability, he would have learned respect.
He would have learned I'm not the enemy, here.
I'm afraid it's too late to change anything about it. Sometimes I think I'm
a fool for wanting to discipline him. But it seems I'm the only one here who's
aware of that boy's power. Can't they all see he's like a bomb? Sometimes I
wish the Dark Lord would get him under his power. Maybe then they would understand
that their hated Severus was right when he wanted to make the boy behave. But
I can't wish something that awful. It would be the end, this time. My only hope,
now, is that Albus finaly decides to teach something useful to the boy. Maybe
I could suggest something... Yes, if the orders come from Albus, maybe this
time he'll obey and respect me.
_________
(Order of the Phoenix)
I can't believe he did this. Spying on my memories, spying on my past. What
will he think, now? I'm sure he must be laughing of all this. His dear father
and godfather making fun of me. So humiliating. He's old enough to understand
the consequences of his deeds, he certainly wouldn't tell any student about
this. I think he knows the limits and he's not evil. Unlike that damn godfather
of his. How I hate that man! He manages to ridicule me even now.
What will Potter think? How will I get to teach him respect, now? Our lessons
had started to look promising. He has such potential, it's too bad he doesn't
make any effort to use it properly. If he had trained as I told him... He has
changed through these years. Still arrogant, but he's becoming wiser. I even
surprised myself talking to him like I would with a balanced adult. After all,
maybe he'll remember what I told him about his father two yeras ago. If he remembers
this, if he remembers what he's seen in the Pensieve, maybe he understand I've
never lied to him. Maybe he'll start to respect me somehow. Maybe that incident
wasn't absolutely bad, after all.
And now I am the one getting childish. Of course I couldn't forgive him for
what he's done but now that I've cancelled our lessons, I can't go back and
tell Albus I changed my mind. I may sound close-minded but I won't get Potter
back here again for Occlumency lessons. Never. Unless things change drastically
and it gets vital for all of us. So many things could happen, now. Who knows...
And maybe he'll realize exactly what he's done. Thinking he could come here
to appologize would be foolish, but maybe that incident will make him open his
eyes and understand he can't always do anything he wants and go against every
rule.
_________________________
© Isa B. , 2003 - 2006